I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize