Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
