a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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