i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
