hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
