Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
