Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
