I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
