the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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