Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
