well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
