nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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