Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
