Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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