I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
