Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i black out too much to be "responsible"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
