I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.