oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*