why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.