If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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