I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall