Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test

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  (847): Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test http://tfl.nu/tst5
  Replies (13) Good night (3045) Bad night (421)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE

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  (402): You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out? (1-402): WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE http://tfl.nu/6ukn
  Replies (25) Good night (5347) Bad night (598)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow

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  (404): Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow http://tfl.nu/pzca
  Replies (5) Good night (2785) Bad night (1211)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it

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  (412): I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it http://tfl.nu/8y6r
  Replies (10) Good night (2502) Bad night (691)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.

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  (781): Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger. http://tfl.nu/4opy
  Replies (7) Good night (829) Bad night (2253)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.

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  (712): They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some. http://tfl.nu/oeo3
  Replies (6) Good night (2685) Bad night (1432)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.

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  (503): I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job. http://tfl.nu/hof0
  Replies (15) Good night (2895) Bad night (1504)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.

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  (443): THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT. http://tfl.nu/04d2
  Replies (14) Good night (5129) Bad night (1515)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.

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  (484): You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night. http://tfl.nu/9q4k
  Replies (9) Good night (3184) Bad night (728)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.

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  (503): Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate. http://tfl.nu/7ogi
  Replies (13) Good night (2549) Bad night (835)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on

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  (832): You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on http://tfl.nu/zwxm
  Replies (4) Good night (3031) Bad night (608)
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  (892): View more from

  YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only one tier

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Tastes like cardboard anyway

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  (892): YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?! (314): Only one tier (314): Tastes like cardboard anyway http://tfl.nu/1yl0
  Replies (1) Good night (1268) Bad night (1348)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...

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  (731): Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels... http://tfl.nu/6gyu
  Replies (22) Good night (1369) Bad night (589)
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  (310): View more from California

  I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.

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  (310): I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/rytq
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (228)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"

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  (913): The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual" http://tfl.nu/c1s6
  Replies (1) Good night (667) Bad night (175)

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