fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
