Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i will never coherently bang her
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...