TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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