so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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