she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
