Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize