When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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