There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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