I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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