I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize