Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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