its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
