Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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