Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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