This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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