is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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