just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
