I accidentally had phone sex last night
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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