I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
