yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
be right there i have to get my cape
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
