There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
