Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hippo gnu deer
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
