i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
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If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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