you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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