Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize