I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
