Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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