u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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