I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
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My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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