You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
