vagina is talking i cant
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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