The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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