Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
