WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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