Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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