haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
