hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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