i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
