So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
