i think my tv is drunk
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
