The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
People in love make me want to vomit
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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