The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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