Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
