we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
