Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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