i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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