Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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