Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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