Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize