He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize