Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
